Knowing is not enough...

I think I've mentioned before on this blog that I've struggled to really believe God loves me. I think a lot of it stems from not having a father growing up. I never had any father-son interaction, so I never got to see first-hand what a father was supposed to be. When you combine that with growing up in a church that stressed works over relationship, you get me: a guy who has trouble in any close relationships, especially with God.

I was listening today to a podcast, and one of the speakers read a Bible verse that brings out the reason I struggle. It's 1 John 4:16:

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

My trouble? The part about relying on God's love.

I know all about God's love. I've taught it. I've preached on it. I've counseled people about it. I really do believe that God loves His children. But do I rely on it? That's a very different question.

I grew up in a church where knowledge was prized, and experience was looked down on. We were one of those Pentecostal churches, where they were acting crazy, speaking in tongues and hanging from the chandeliers. We were the "people of the book," and we valued knowing Scripture above all else.

There is nothing wrong with knowing Scripture. Every Christian needs to know and love the Bible. We should all have some understanding of basic Bible teachings. But knowledge can never take the place of relationship. At some point, we all have to go from a place of knowing about God's love to relying on His love.

How does that happen? I'm not sure I know. I don't think it's a process that lends itself to 5 steps, or 7 keys. It's probably different for everybody. I'm sure God uses the tools He usually does: prayer, Scripture, friends, circumstances. But we don't look to those tools to do anything for us.

More than anything, maybe learning to rely on God's love is a change of outlook. God wants to shower His love on us. In fact, He does shower His love on us. But we miss it, because we're looking somewhere else.

I know I've come a long way toward experiencing His love as a reality of life. But I've still got a long way to go...

Oh, the podcast I was listening to? It was Joel and Mike at Growing in Grace. If you don't already listen, try it. It is 15 minutes a week of grace-filled awesomeness!

Thoughts on the age of "Abba"

I was listening to this from Wayne Jacobsen last night after we got home from Disney frenzy day. One phrase he used really stuck with me. He talked about his granddaughter being the "age of Abba," about 18 months old. In other words she was at the age where children would use a word like Abba or Dada.

I started thinking about my own little one who's a little older than that, Toddler Houdini is almost 3. But the point is the same. I really love her. We have great times together. We talk, play, do all kinds of things. Every Saturday, while the other kids are at swim lessons, she and I have some alone time. It's one of my favorite times of the week.

She can't do anything for me. She can't give me advice. She can't drive me around. She can't clean the house. Yet she brings unbelievable amounts of joy to my life. Why? Because she is my girl. The joy I have in her isn't because of what she's able to do for me. My joy in her is because of our relationship.

Same thing is true of how I relate to God. Except I'm the child, and He's the loving dad. He gets great joy from me, even though I can't do anything for Him. I'm beginning to believe, I mean really believe) that His delight in me is EXACTLY the same as my delight in Toddler Houdini. Meaning this: He wants me to hang out with Him, play, talk, just enjoy life in His presence. And I know that when I do try to do something for Him, He's there with an armload of paper towels to clean up the mess.

I think I really like this age. I hope my girl keeps a little bit of it in her heart, even as she keeps growing into a beautiful little girl. And I hope that as I get older, I get less "grown-up" in my faith, and have more of that Abba spirit...

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

New beginnings...

This is mostly going to be dedicated to chronicling the hardest, most thankless job known to mankind--fathering. I am the very happy father of three small children. I have a 5 year old boy, Little McGyver, who firmly believes in his ability to do anything, anytime without any help from adults. His sister, DisneyGirl, is the queen of imagination and drama. Their baby sister, The World's Sweetest Toddler, is 20 months old.

Together, they are the greatest, most maddening, kids in the world. And, although there are a lot of mommyblogs out there, there aren't as many dads getting their perspectives into the e-world. And I think we all agree that moms and dads see things very differently.

That's all for now. Crying kids call me away!

(By the way, the pic above shows them in their natural habitat--lounging, being waited on hand and foot.)